


a balm for your desperate need

by Mayarene Rose (Paradise_of_Mary_Jane)



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Roy's a Mess, Teen Titans Years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 02:33:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17778923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paradise_of_Mary_Jane/pseuds/Mayarene%20Rose
Summary: It’s Roy who picks the fight. It’s Dick’s fault for letting himself get baited into it.





	a balm for your desperate need

**Author's Note:**

> My gift for [ @stained-glass-sketchbook](https://stained-glass-sketchbook.tumblr.com) for the thearrowhead DickRoy valentine's exchange! Hope you like it <3

It’s Roy who picks the fight. It’s Dick’s fault for letting himself get baited into it.

It had started out as a friendly sparring match, one last time before they go their own separate ways.

(As Teen Titans, that is. Dick can’t imagine for one second that they still won’t be living in each other’s pockets, albeit with less heroeing.

Roy, it seems, thinks differently.)

The match starts like it usually does. The two of them are more or less evenly matched. Roy’s stronger but Dick’s a lot faster. And they’ve been training together for so long now that they know each other’s tricks. And it had started out friendly enough. Dick was laughing for the most of it, and Roy even cracked a smile or two.

(He hasn’t been smiling much these days. Dick tried to ask about it but it’s Roy and he just. 

He won’t talk about it. Whatever it is. Dick has a few guesses, none of them good. None of them he can do anything about.)

And Dick was jumping around in the beginning, saying, “C’mon, you can do better than that!” and Roy replies “Is that all you got, Rob!”

They’ve known each other for so long that they both know when the other’s gonna strike, when they’re gonna feint. When the right time to duck or to weave or to strike. Dick can read every single line in Roy’s body, every single twitch, spent most of his teenage years figuring out every single thing it says. Which means that Dick knows the exact moment his muscles tense just enough, his posture tightens, his eyes narrow, and the match stops being friendly sparring.

Dick doesn’t even know what it is he said, only that it was definitely his fault. Something about Ollie, he thinks, but for the life of him he can’t remember what it was. All he knows is that one moment they’re joking around, the next there’s genuine anger in Roy’s eyes and his strikes get a lot more vicious.

It catches Dick off-guard. He barely has time to react before a strike gets through and he’s losing his footing and falling down on the mats.

Silence. They’re the only ones in the training room. The others are in the common room, still having the farewell party. It’s just the two of them. Dick stares. Roy’s eyes are wide. He looks stricken.

“Shit, Dick, I’m so sorry,” he says, offering a hand up, hesitating only slightly. Dick takes it and pulls himself up. “Shit. I didn’t mean.”

“It’s fine,” Dick says. “Wanna tell me what that was about?”

“It’s.” Roy clenches his jaw. “It was nothing.”

“Roy,” Dick starts to say but Roy is already shaking his head, letting go of Dick’s hand and stepping away from him. Dick doesn’t let him. He steps closer, grabbing Roy’s forearm.

“I’m gonna go back to the party,” Roy says.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Dick says.

Roy stares at him, eyes narrowed, lips pursued. Dick steps closer, until their faces are almost touching. It’s not strange, he thinks. They’ve been this close to each other before. That’s just how their friendship works. They’re close, affectionate, full of friendly touches and holding onto each other like it may be the last time because sometimes it may be.

Roy’s eyes are wide and Dick searches his face for something, anything to help him figure out what’s wrong, why Roy’s so angry, why he wants to run away so bad. He doesn’t have the words to make him understand. He doesn’t even really know what he wants to say.

Roy’s breathing hard. He’s staring at Dick like it’s the first time they’ve seen each other in a long time. His eyes flicker down, towards his lips.

It happens in a split second. Dick doesn’t let himself think about it. He leans forward and presses his lips against Roy’s. And there’s this moment of stillness, where Roy is just standing there, frozen, Dick’s hand on his forearm, hands loose and awkward at his side, and Dick has time to regret every single decision he’s ever made that led him to this point.

But then, the moment is gone and Roy is suddenly clutching at Dick’s tunic with a desperate kind of need. His lips take in Dick’s greedily, taking him like he needs Dick to breathe. It makes Dick’s chest clench painfully. There’s something wrong, he thinks. Something really, really wrong. Something’s wrong and Dick’s plans may have just backfired horribly.

He pulls away, opening his eyes just in time to see that  _ look  _ again in Roy’s eyes before it disappears underneath another cocky grin. Dick swallows.

“Speedy,” he says. “Speedy what’s wrong? You have to tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing wrong, Robbie,” he says easily. “Apart from the fact you stopped, that is.” And he leans forward again, a question in his eyes, and it would be so easy to just let him. Dick’s been waiting for this to happen since… Since he doesn’t even know when. Being with Roy is just the kind of thing he’s always just wanted. And it would just be so easy to take that one thing that he’s always wanted.

Except that something is clearly wrong and he just can’t let that stand. This is  _ Roy  _ and he can’t just not help. Roy is still holding onto him like he doesn’t want to let go, like he’s scared Dick will disappear if he does.

“Roy,” Dick says. “You know that this isn’t, that this isn’t the last time, right? That I don’t want this to be the last time, right?”

The Titans have just officially disbanded, though they’d been drifting away from each other for a while now. And well, Roy likes to put up a front but Dick knows he loved the team more than anything. Roy’s been angry and upset ever since he found out, probably more than any of them. He’d been withdrawing more and more for a long time now but when he found out. 

There are times when it seems like he just wants to disappear entirely.

“I don’t want this to be the end,” Dick says. “This isn’t the end of us, right?” Dick says the words forcefully. Tries to put all of his meaning behind it.  _ I don’t just mean the kiss. You’re my best friend and I don’t want to lose you. Stop acting like you’re going away. Stay stay stay stay. _

Roy’s eyes widen. He flinches away as if burned. Dick tries not to look too wounded but. It stings. A lot.

“What are you talking about, Rob?” Roy asks.

“The look on your face,” Dick says. “You look like you’re taking what you can while you can and. I just wanted to tell you. This isn’t the last time for me. You can… We can… if you want.”

Dick’s not really sure what he wants to say. He can’t remember being this at a loss of words in his entire life. Nervousness doesn’t come to him, speaking his mind has never been a problem before. He doesn’t understand where the clenching in his chest, the sudden shortness of breath, the blankness in his mind, suddenly came from. All he knows is that there’s a look in Roy’s eyes like he wants to run away and run towards Dick at the same time. There’s pain and shame and fear and so many things but buried under it is the way Roy always looks at him: happiness and affection and something else that Dick’s not ready to name yet.

There’s a long silence where Roy just stares at him. Dick holds his gaze even though it’s hard. He’s good at that. He’s held out a lot longer with Batman. 

“Damn you, Dick,” Roy says. “Damn those detective skills. I don’t need that right now.”

“I don’t need detective skills to know something’s bothering you, Speedy, so out with it. Let me help you.  _ Please. _ ”

Roy continues to stare at him and it’s obvious that he’s not going to be talking anytime soon. Dick tries not to let that hurt too much. He forces a smile onto his face and leans forward, pressing his lips against Roy’s, short and chaste.

“I don’t want this to be the last,” he says again. “I’ll always be here for you, Speedy. I need you to know that.”

And Roy, all of a sudden looks like he’s about to cry. Dick has a moment of pure panic, thinking that he’d read things wrong, that all of it is going wrong and that Dick was wrong and now he needs to retreat because this is just an absolute disaster. But then, Roy pulls him into an embrace, entire body trembling, and Dick’s hands come up automatically to hold him. Roy is mumbling something against his neck but it’s too soft for Dick to understand so he just holds Roy.

“I’m here, Roy,” he says. “I’m always here.”


End file.
